Anyway, I was starting to look for something sharp and pokey when I noticed the Rivendell All-Rounder leaning against the park bench. Just a little, healthy self-mutilation to remind yourself that you’re still alive. You can only eat so much bean curd while discussing the pitfalls of standardized testing in the public school system before you start looking for something sharp with which to gouge yourself. I could say, in retrospect, that this was an excellent way to spend a Saturday-it’d probably make me seem like a more likeable human, but as I sat on a bench trying to masticate my eco-friendly, hamburger alternative into submission, I honestly found myself wishing that I was pretty much anywhere else…and preferably on two wheels. Okay, how about this…I was spending a lovely Saturday afternoon at a park-not a cloud in the sky and tacky, hero dirt covering every inch of the trails just a stone’s throw away-watching kids squabble over garden burgers and gluten-free cupcakes. Maybe that’s the wrong way to begin this it makes me sound like a bigger douche than I probably am. I am stuck at a birthday party for five-year olds.
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